We met and spoke with one of each of the city's L, G, B and T members to get in on some of this awareness action. Here's what we found out.
Luo Xue is a 30-year old MTF (male to female) transsexual originally from Shangdong province in Northern China. She鈥檚 been living in Shanghai for nearly four years. The name Luo Xue, meaning 鈥渇allen snow鈥�, is her chosen alias.
SmSh: When did you start feeling that you were different from your peers?
Luo Xue: I first started feeling like I was different starting in elementary school, because in school, they separate you in two groups -鈥� boys with boys, girls with girls. When I was little I was really obedient, so I just did what I was told. Then I got a bit older, and I realized I didn鈥檛 feel comfortable with the notion of always being grouped with the boys.
SmSh: And what did you do about that feeling?
Luo Xue: It wasn鈥檛 until around 2007-2008 that I went online and started reading about this kind of thing, and reading about it, it made me feel like there were other people out there who are the same way, which gave me the courage to say that this is who I am, and you know 鈥�- this is how I want to approach my life.
SmSh: Was that difficult for you, making this decision?
Luo Xue: It wasn鈥檛 that difficult. I didn鈥檛 pressure myself to always act like a boy or a man. All the ways that a boy is expected to act -鈥� I never really forced myself to do those things.
SmSh: And your family? How did they react?
Luo Xue: Up to this point, I have yet to tell my family. Right now, in my daily life, I dress fully female, but when I go home to see my parents, I dress more unisex. I鈥檓 sure they sense there鈥檚 a difference in me, but we鈥檝e never really openly discussed it before. The reason why neither side has discussed this is鈥� because I think we both know that if this were to be brought out and talked about, things would never be the same again.
SmSh: What do you think is one of the biggest misconceptions that Chinese people have about transsexuals?
Luo Xue: Hm, that鈥檚 difficult for me to say. Actually, I suppose one of the biggest misconceptions that people here have about transsexuals is that they don鈥檛 live for a very long time. But really, this is not the case.
SmSh: Have you undergone [gender reassignment] surgery yet?
Luo Xue: No, I haven鈥檛 undergone surgery yet. But I am currently taking hormones. I started taking them in the beginning of 2009. When I go to work, I dress as a female, but no, I haven鈥檛 undergone surgery yet.
SmSh: Do you plan on having this operation someday?
Luo Xue: Yes, I do plan on having surgery someday. But because surgery will require money and time taken off of work, I鈥檓 not currently in a situation where I can afford something like that. When I can save up enough money and it doesn鈥檛 interfere so much with work, then yes, I will go through with surgery.
SmSh: How do you think the MTF (male to female) experience might differ from the FTM (female to male) experience?
Luo Xue: Both have their own difficulties. I actually don鈥檛 know that much about FTM, since I haven鈥檛 really been exposed to that too much. But what I do know is, when it comes to [hormone] medication, FTM is a lot more straightforward. There are specific types of medication that you would need to take, whereas for MTF, there are so many different varieties of medications out there, but no conclusive summary on which ones to take and in which combinations, so each person has to figure out which ones to take, how much -- what works for them.
A panel discussion event at last year's SH Pride
SmSh: What has taking hormones been like for you?
Luo Xue: Right now in China, there aren鈥檛 any hospitals or doctors that are able to prescribe hormones or medications [for my situation], so I have to research online on how to take it on my own. I mostly get information through online forums, through friends who have also taken this kind of medication. I鈥檝e searched online for advice from doctors from other countries where this kind of thing is more common, but of course, if it鈥檚 online, you can鈥檛 really be sure that these are actually real doctors.
SmSh: What鈥檚 the transsexual community in Shanghai like? Does one even exist?
Luo Xue: It鈥檚 hard to say, because the majority of transsexual people, after they鈥檝e gone through surgery, they kind of start living their lives as that gender, so they don鈥檛 really get involved in this kind of community or discuss their lives on forums. From what I know, there aren鈥檛 that many here, but I鈥檓 sure there are actually a lot of hidden transsexuals in Shanghai. Probably.
SmSh: How does the Shanghainese population react to transgendered or transsexual people?
Luo Xue: You know, Shanghai is already a lot more open than the rest of China. Everywhere you go, you have to show your ID, and when people here see my ID photo, they don鈥檛 really question me when I explain what I am. But in say, Shandong, where I鈥檓 from, they end up really inspecting me and looking at my ID for a long time.
SmSh: And what about the dating scene for you?
Luo Xue: There is still quite a bit of difficulty in that area. There are still a lot of misconceptions about transvestites and transsexuals here. If you鈥檝e already had your surgery, you can just go ahead and live your life as a female. As for me, I look like a female from the outside, but there are still parts of me that, when found out, well, it just becomes a very awkward situation. I myself am not very active in going out to date, because I have worries of my own.
SmSh: What kind of person are you looking for? That is, as a MTF, do you identify as gay or straight, or鈥� ?
Luo Xue: For me, I鈥檓 probably bisexual. Yeah, I can accept both females and males. And from what I know, there are a lot of people out there like that as well, but of course, there exists a portion of people who are strictly one way or the other.
SmSh: Do you want to get married someday? Have a family?
Luo Xue: Most people [like me] who do get married, they get married prior to their surgery, so they marry someone who understands their situation. Of course I want to find a husband and get married someday, but I don鈥檛 have high hopes for that. I鈥檓 prepared to live on my own, but if I ever have the means for it, I wouldn鈥檛 object to adopting a child.
SmSh: And your current family -鈥� any plans to 鈥渃ome out鈥� to them?
Luo Xue: Due to my current family situation, I think it would be better to discuss this issue with my parents later on. But, yes, eventually鈥� it would be nice to be open with my parents about this.
SmSh: Lastly, what do you hope something like Shanghai Pride, or even agreeing to doing this interview, will get across to the mainstream public?
Luo Xue: There isn鈥檛 any specific message I鈥檇 like to get across. Mainly, I just want people to understand transvestites and transsexuals better. I want people to not see us as abnormal people -鈥� we鈥檙e one of you. The portrayal of gays and transsexuals and such is still mostly negative, so I鈥檓 glad that we have outlets to tell our stories without any sense of misleading people. I鈥檓 thankful to get to do that.
***
Pride5 starts this Saturday the 15th with a Pride5 , and later in the night. For the full schedule of week-long events, click .
Portraits by Marc Ressang at the bar in .
Create a new List