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Shanghai foodies, the race for Best New Restaurant 2022 is ALREADY OVER because there's this new place in Minhang that is this!

Were you planning on opening a restaurant in 2022?

DON'T BOTHER YOU'RE DONE.

If your restaurant doesn't straight-up turn into Narnia-meets-Matrix-rave-scene at some point in the evening, you should rethink your whole lame-ass business plan.

From the exact same people that brought you Ultraviolet, comes M-MIX, a new BBQ-and-every-single-other-thing-you-could-ever-want-in-the-world restaurant, originally from Harbin, newly opened in scenic, exciting Minhang district.

I'm just kidding, this place M-Mix has nothing to do with Ultraviolet, which should probably just change itself into a pretzel stand or a Jamba Juice now or some shit.

You're done, Ultraviolet! You're done!

M-Mix has...

...a state-of-the-art-ish (I'm-assuming) massive sound system, 50-meter, ceiling-covering LED screens, sweeping lazers, and a light show in a big communal, 800-square-meter BBQ setting...

...DJ and hype-man JUST BLASTING hair salon-core EDM music, yelling at you through a microphone in a really encouraging way when you look for your table...

...a mid-meal KTV talent show featuring the stars of tomorrow, here today performing at decibels louder than a 747 Jumbo Jet dry humping another 747 Jumbo Jet...

...a restaurant specialty in which they set a bucket of shrimp down on your table, douse it in alcohol out of an old vinegar bottle, and ignite it into a wildly lethal, nuclear ball of flame, two friggin' inches from your face...

...beige pizza for days -- pizza as beige as it is delicious -- and flights of Snow beer by the 50...

...the preferred beer brand of crackpot dictators and scary Russian oligarchs...

(I don't really know, just feels like it would be...)

...a refreshingly brisk and jubilantly cavalier take on international IP laws (?)...

...on the menu: chocolate lipstick that looks like lipstick and tastes like lipstick and is made of chocolate... and lipstick?

(Could be that we ate lipstick.)

...a portion of the night when they just fly out four actual drones to buzz above the crowd like whirling death. (You can't see them in this picture. We couldn't get a picture, we were hiding under the table so as to not end the year sliced to confetti by tiny-ass helicopter blades. Do you know how fucking scary drones are?)

Moving on....

... the option wherein guests can upload pictures of their lovely cats on the giant screen for all to enjoy...

...inexplicable wall of shoes. I guess?...

...AND OH FOR THE FINALE IT SNOWS. WHAT.

...well, I say, "it snows". I mean, it's a foam machine that sputters soapy foam on to everyone for about 3 minutes.

Which, you know, I totally loved, because one of my New Year's resolutions is to wholeheartedly accept and embrace whatever light and frothy substances life is choosing to toss into my face at any given moment.

It's just how I'm gonna do 2022 and it's gonna be great.

Real Talk: So How Does This All Work Really?

M-Mix, man. It's a Harbin chain that just opened in Shanghai. It was opened by asinger called Gaojin, inspired by one of his songs called "Harbin in the Snow". You're going for the snowing bit. (I mean... are you? If you are...)

(Are you?)

It snows three times a day: 8pm; 10pm; and midnight.For the 10pm show, the snow turns into pink petals raining from the ceiling and it's a sakura blossom shower show oh my godddddddd.

This place is super popular for the exact reasons outlined above and if you want to go you need to get reservations at least 4 days in advance. Call them. Do it now. (Don't do it?)

I dunno, do you want to see more pictures of the food? Whatevs, man!

Look at the damn door to get into the place!

I recommend you walk though this door! Join us! Just us in the future of... y'know... everything! Or something!

At least, something!

The end.

***

M-Mix is at 1245 Wuzhong Lu. Advanced reservations required. Contact info at that link.